Stalled Goals

Do you have any goals you have not yet reached?  I am sure you do, even if you haven't paid much thought to them recently.  Humour me a moment and write down some of those goals, perhaps the most important ones.

Against each of the goals, write down why you have not yet reached it.

If you have written that you simply haven't got there yet, but are on the way, and if this is completely honest, then congratulations!  That is exactly the way things should be!  You should always have goals you have achieved, hopefully many such goals, and also goals you are on the way to reaching.  It would certainly not be a good thing simply to have a whole series of goals you have already reached, and no further goals you want to reach.

I suspect, though, that if you are honest you will not have written "on the way" against every single unachieved goal.  Let us have a look at those goals and see what the problem is.

Sometimes we think we want to achieve something, but as we start working towards it our desires change.  This is no longer something we really want to achieve.  If that is the case, cross that goal out.  It doesn't belong on the list.  Every one of us will have changed some of our goals during our life, not because we think they are unattainable but because we realize we have evolved and those goals no longer inspire us.  There is no problem here - you just need to tidy up your list a little - there is no point pretending to yourself that you want something when really you don't.

But sometimes we also have goals we still want to achieve but we are not making any progress towards them.  These are the goals we need to look at very carefully.

As a first step, make sure none of those goals belong in the "cross out" list.  For each goal, think deeply about this question - do you really want to achieve this?  I know you initially left it on the "want to achieve" list, but does it truly still inspire you?  When thinking about this, don't confuse the issue by trying to decide whether or not it is achievable - just think about whether or not it is something that really inspires you when you think about it.

You may find a few goals do need to be transferred to the "cross out" list.  If so, cross them out.  Don't leave them on the list.  They don't belong there.

So now look through the remaining goals.  The ones you know you would still like to achieve but against which you are not making any progress.  These are what I refer to as "Stalled Goals".

For each of your "stalled goals" you now need to try to work out why they are stalled.

There can be many reasons for this, but I tend to divide those reasons into just three:

1.  I don't believe it is achievable.
2.  There is something inside me that seems to stop me from making any progress even though I believe it should be achievable.
3.  There is nothing blocking me, and I am certain it is achievable, but I simply cannot be bothered.

The division between each of these reasons may be a bit murky.  Perhaps there is a combination of reasons.  But usually you can place the main reason squarely within one of the three.  So I am now going to show you how to start chipping away at the reasons for the stall.

I don't believe it is achievable

There is nothing that is completely unachievable, no matter how ambitious it may seem.  You have to be prepared to move outside your comfort zone.  Maybe by so doing you will find what you thought couldn't happen actually can.

In many cases, though, this is not enough by itself.  Even moving outside your comfort zone you cannot see any way you could achieve this.  Don't worry, this is not the end of the process!

Where you very much want to achieve something but feel it is completely unachievable, begin by breaking it down, where possible, into smaller "jumps".  By looking at the end result, and seeing all the obstacles in the way of achieving it, you are convincing yourself it is impossible - but nothing is impossible.  Nothing!  Imagine you cannot swim, and between you and your goal there is a very big and deep river.  If you just see the goal in the distance and the very wide river you will not even begin to do anything to reach your goal, as it doesn't seem possible to get there.  But now I want you to look much more carefully at what is in the river.  Can you see there are stepping stones there?  When you were focussed on the goal you couldn't see those stones, but now you can see they are there.  Jump from the bank to the first stone.  You are not at your goal, but you are one step closer.  Now jump to the next one.  You are two steps closer.  Keep doing this and you will keep narrowing the distance.  Eventually you will find there is just one more jump and you have reached your goal.

Each time you make a small jump, you are not only one step closer to your ultimate goal, but also you have reached a smaller goal which can also bring you happiness.  So keep making those small steps and keep changing your life for the better.

Something inside me is stopping me from making any progress

This is a very common reason.  Such limiting beliefs are more common that perhaps you realize.  Somewhere deep inside you is an illogical, but powerful argument that says you shouldn't get there.  Maybe it says it is wrong to try, that in some way your goal is sinful.  Maybe it says you don't deserve it.  Sit still for a moment and see what thoughts rise to the surface as you meditate on this goal.  Almost certainly you will find a reason that has no logic.  Once you have identified this reason, give it a form.  For example, make it a small but nasty green monster.  Pick up that monster, tell it that it no longer belongs here, and throw it in a dustbin.  Do this with full focus and you will find the power of this block is greatly diminished.  It has been inside you for many years, so you may need to repeat the exercise several times.  Each time you do, you will take away more and more of its power, until eventually it has gone completely.  You should feel as though a burden has been lifted, and now you can make progress towards your desired goal.

I cannot be bothered

If truth be told, this reason afflicts us all.  We have to take action to get anything that is worthwhile.  Yes, we want it, but we are lazy and cannot be bothered.

The answer to this one is to do something that DOES make us bothered.  Focus on what your life is like now, without reaching this goal, and what it will be like once you have reached it.  Do this enough times and the energy you will stir up inside yourself will be enough to propel you into action so you CAN reach your goal.

Summary

Most, if not all, of us have stalled goals.  But just like a stalled car engine, there is usually something we can do to start it - even if that means calling on a professional who knows how to do it.  So get out there and start your engine!